What A Day To Start Your Day
Today close friends and I are getting together to exchange gifts (well the kids) and later on tonight we are suppose to be going to my sister's place so our car can get fixed, but do I really feel like today? My answer is no. I don't feel like going on the outing even though I know Toddler will love it. I don't feel like going to my sister either, all I want to do is close up everything and close myself up to the world. I am hating the way I feel, but this is the way I feel today. Why?
Well it goes like this: You wake up in the morning happy and so looking forward to the day when smack it hits you like a bomb. Your husband complains about having to go to the family and what burden it is and he wishes everyone will just leave him alone. I felt sick, he made me feel guilty, he made me feel like me and the boys are a burden. I hate feeling like this. All my life I felt like this, all my life I felt like I was a burden and I over came that and now I feel like that part of my life is starting all over again. Today I don't even feel like living. I grew up appreciating what was given to me, when someone helped me I was thankful and he knows we need the car fix. I fear that he is going to even work on Xmas day.
I know I need to lift myself up and just enjoy today regardless of what happened this morning, but I am so tired of being strong. Trying to be strong only makes you weaker and more tired. I am tired of building myself up only to find that it I get broken every time. If it isn't to do with money, then it has something to do with going to the family or something or the other.
New upgrade at work is driving me mad, it makes me feel like he is enjoying that more then actually wanting to spend time with his family. I am on the verge of packing clothes for the boys and myself and just disappearing, so he can have all the time he needs to do what he wants to do, so he can be left alone. I am on the verge of just shutting myself away from him and not bothering in trying anymore, if that is what he wants then that is what I am thinking of doing. I can't take it. I can't feel like the boys get very little attention. I am tired of trying to force him to spend time with them, even if it means going to the shop.
Toddler is acting up. Toddler and I are constantly at each other. I feel like leaving the boys and just disappearing for good. Make him feel what it is like to try and do a job and take care of the boys. For one's in this life time I wish and actually pray that he can just do something without complaining. Even our anniversary was a burden, because he would have preferred to work. I guess that is the way life goes.
Well it goes like this: You wake up in the morning happy and so looking forward to the day when smack it hits you like a bomb. Your husband complains about having to go to the family and what burden it is and he wishes everyone will just leave him alone. I felt sick, he made me feel guilty, he made me feel like me and the boys are a burden. I hate feeling like this. All my life I felt like this, all my life I felt like I was a burden and I over came that and now I feel like that part of my life is starting all over again. Today I don't even feel like living. I grew up appreciating what was given to me, when someone helped me I was thankful and he knows we need the car fix. I fear that he is going to even work on Xmas day.
I know I need to lift myself up and just enjoy today regardless of what happened this morning, but I am so tired of being strong. Trying to be strong only makes you weaker and more tired. I am tired of building myself up only to find that it I get broken every time. If it isn't to do with money, then it has something to do with going to the family or something or the other.
New upgrade at work is driving me mad, it makes me feel like he is enjoying that more then actually wanting to spend time with his family. I am on the verge of packing clothes for the boys and myself and just disappearing, so he can have all the time he needs to do what he wants to do, so he can be left alone. I am on the verge of just shutting myself away from him and not bothering in trying anymore, if that is what he wants then that is what I am thinking of doing. I can't take it. I can't feel like the boys get very little attention. I am tired of trying to force him to spend time with them, even if it means going to the shop.
Toddler is acting up. Toddler and I are constantly at each other. I feel like leaving the boys and just disappearing for good. Make him feel what it is like to try and do a job and take care of the boys. For one's in this life time I wish and actually pray that he can just do something without complaining. Even our anniversary was a burden, because he would have preferred to work. I guess that is the way life goes.
posted by DolphinC at
8:50 am
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