Where Secrets Lie

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Today I Thought About You - Poem

Today I thought about you
All dressed in a pretty white dress
Today I thought about you
smiling your sweet smile
Today I thought about you alot

My heart ached knowing I won't touch your tiny fingers
I won't hear your cute laughter
I won't get to cuddle you
My heart aches just to know you won't be around

Today I thought about you twirling around in your pretty white dress
Smiling as you twirled and laughing every time you looked at me
I thought of you walking on your tippy toes
putting your hands on my cheeks and giving me a kiss

I felt your warmth in my arms
your softness of your skin
I felt you cuddle up next to me
and moved my arms around you

I thought of you and I going shopping
Trying on new clothes, trying on new shoes
Sitting and chatting of who you liked and who you didn't

I thought of you walking down the aisle
Smiling and Glowing to let the world know you happy
I thought of all the good times

I dream of you always
I dream of fun times
I dream of a daughter I'll never have

Friday, June 15, 2007

Real or Not Real

How do you know if someone is really being themselves on the net? You don't, right? What really gets me mad on this forums is that (especially the one board I grew to love, but now don't have the passion I use to have) people just like to 'hang' someone without getting to know them. The badger the new people in the most horrible way they can and tell them that they are false or they aren't real. It is so cruel how these mom's act like school girls. The push a person into a corner and 'suck' you dry, so you cannot breath. Even amongst themselves they will soffocate one another. When someone leaves and then comes back they are like snakes and badger the person, yet many of the mom's have asked the person to come back (I wasn't one of them, but I felt like one person was hinting to me). I know I would never have returned to the board if it wasn't for me to face my fears or if some of the mom's didn't ask me, as it is I don't even go on as much, I think it has been a month or even more since I last posted. I really don't have the passion to share like I use to. That once feeling like I could relate or share with other mom's or just have someone to chat to is gone. When I did type on the board I felt uncomfortable. I felt like people were teasing me in their minds, yes I don't like teasing, because I grew up being teased by my family. It hurts a person, so now I just keep quiet and don't say anything to anyone.

If I was as open as I was in the begining I would have asked the question, 'why is when someone leaves everyone asks the person to come back, but when they do come back, people say it upsets them when the person leaves and returns', or something in that line. I for one can say that it took me a long time to go back. I was hurt, it felt like my insides had been ripped by the hurt and the email was only the last, it was building up by the bitchiness towards me. Everything I did or said, I was lying. People only want to believe who they want to believe.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

It Doesn't All Have To Be Sad

I haven't typed in my journal now for days, well over a month. I feel like it is only a place where I type when something bad goes on, but to my defense I have been busy, so no it isn't just because bad things happen to me. In fact it has been a good few weeks months. I get down at time, but my spirit is lifted when I look into my boys faces each morning. I have finished 7 Exercise of my course and have 2 to go then I am all done. I am so looking forward to just spending time enjoying what I have learnt. I am most probably going to be doing some free work, which I don't mind as it just helps me improve in my work. Now you must be wondering what it is that I studied. It is something where I can capture the lives of others. Their happiness, their sadness, their fun times and if they'd like their not so fun times. It is something where I can be creative and enjoy every moment of what I do. Ok so now the question is: Can you guess what I do? If you guessed Photography you are right.

I am sure that in the future times will get better, but I don't live for tomorrow, I live for today, like Denny Crane from Boston Legal said in one of the episodes which I think is the second episode or third. I love that program.

Chris is still not walking and it is frustrating me to bits, but he is trying, which I know I should give him credit for that. He says a few words, which amazes me and he is such a happy little boy. He has 8 toothies now, what a nightmare these teeth are I never had this problem with Wyatt, well not as bad, he usually was ill then out popped a tooth, ill and another one popped. Chris still seems like a baby and not like a little boy, even though he is taller then his cousin who is a month and few days older then him.

Wyatt is doing well at speech theraphy, his speech is coming on so nicely and I am so happy for him. He has been sick the last 3 days, which of course is a nightmare for me and yes I love using the word nightmare, it sums up what I am going through. He seems much better today and even though tomorrow is Friday will be returning to school.

Well like I said it doesn't all have to be sad, but then again even happy moments can be sad. This however is my sad moment and my heart goes out to those parents.

I want to talk about the missing child Maddie who was kidnapped from her room at a resort in potugal. Now I ask you this and the more I think about it the more I get upset. Why on earth did the parents leave the kids by themselves. I know they said they checked every 30 minutes, but honestly I ask again why? I really do feel sorry for them and I hope that Maddie gets returned to her parents. I hope she'll know that she is one lucky little girl to have the world looking for her. It breaks my heart to hear such tragic news and most of these kids after a few weeks seem to be forgotten. I sit and wonder what if it was my kids, what then, would the world help me find them? I don't know, but deep down inside I pray and wish this little girl is found alive and reunited with her family. In fact though I am upset that her parents left the kids alone in the room, I am even more upset that kids are kidnapped almost every day for the pleasure of other's. Across the world there is a peace globe going around and my peace globe is for all the kids that in their future and the future of their kids peace would come over this world. I hope that I never have to go through what these parents are going through, because I would just break down. I would not be strong enough to stand up in front of the world and ask whoever took my child to return him. I would be way to emotional, so my hat goes out to the parents for being strong.

See all doesn't have to be about me and my family ok maybe a little.